You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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