I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You took a bar mat shot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
