3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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