billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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