mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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