he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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