Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
