Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
