I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
