either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
