And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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