Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
