Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
