the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
