I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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