i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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