Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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