Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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