I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
