the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
