Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
50% drunk capacity currently
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
