dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
