Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
