He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
false alarm, still single
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
