he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
