3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize