I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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