just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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