Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
