I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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