so that wasnt chicken after all
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
