i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
