I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
