god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
