suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
