69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
