Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
