Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
