I think I died a long time ago.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
