Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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