hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
