I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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