I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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