I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
