so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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