6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
