you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk is not a location!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
