At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
