I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would fuck him just for his dog
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
