Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
