Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
