Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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