Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
