I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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