Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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