Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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