Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
