His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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