I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
