Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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