i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
