Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
