First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
