If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
