I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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